Do you ever get that feeling that something is about to happen, and then it does? That was the distinct feeling I got as I was hugging my then boyfriend, Patrick, goodbye. I had been out of town for a few days and upon my return, he came to my house to spend some time together. As he left my house, he hugged me and said: “It’s so good having you back” and as I hugged him back, it hit me – and it was startling too. I was not prepared to experience the distinct feeling of knowing that a transformation was coming. It wasn’t until several weeks later that I would find out exactly what that gut feeling actually meant.
The week before Valentine’s Day, Patrick informed me we would not celebrate it because he had to work late that night. I quickly moved past the disappointment since Patrick worked in sales and many times even during holidays. Two days later, I was expecting Patrick home for dinner and he showed up in his work clothes. When I opened the door, he made his way straight to the couch and sat down while announcing “we need to talk.” With no other clues to point me to what was happening I attributed his need for a talk involved an issue at work or more trouble with his ex-wife or the many debts he had accumulated over the years. I sat in front of him and paid attention to what he was about to say. Unceremoniously, Patrick confessed he had realized he needed to focus on his job and that he did not have any time to devote to me, so it was best to not see each other anymore. Once Patrick finished his non-negotiable announcement, he quickly got up and showed himself out of my life.
I was angry with myself for not seeing this coming and for having “wasted” so much time and energy on someone who made a single-sided decision that our relationship was over. What I did not know at the time was that Patrick’s apparently selfish decision had actually opened a huge door of opportunity and learning for me. Patrick’s participation in my journey was the perfect reminder of the importance of self-love. You see, up until that point, my focus had revolved around making him happy, without necessarily doing what made me happy; obsessing about his troubles in the many needy areas of his life, without putting myself in my own priority list and addressing my own needs. Once the dust of the breakup settled, I clearly understood that love or anything else I was longing for, had to start at home, with me, truly walking my talk. That's when I understood that Patrick was a lesson-bearer and that there was no need for me to “forgive” him because I was not a victim of the circumstances. Patrick was a clear, loud reminder that I was not ready to be in a love relationship with someone when I had not even established a love relationship with myself.
Remember that self-love is not limited to pampering yourself or taking a vacation. In my case, I had engaged in a relationship with someone whose then present situation did not align at all with my vision of an ideal partner. From the first date, I had already bent my own rules regarding my ideal man and I did so because at the time, I did not think I deserved that man of my dreams – because I did not love myself enough to believe I deserved to have that ideal man in my life.
So look at those heart breaks in your life – past or present and connect the dots. Sometimes a lesson keeps repeating itself until you truly learn what is being presented for your higher good. What doors are actually being opened for you as you open your eyes to those lessons in disguise? Leave your answer in the comment box below or contact me if you are struggling with seeing the big picture. Let’s talk!